This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
