i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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