If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
