I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
