im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the condom got lost in my hair
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
