Christians are straight up FREAKS
Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
