Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
