your thong is hanging out like whoa
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
BRING THE BAGELS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
