Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
