Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
be right there i have to get my cape
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
