Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
