i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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