I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
