She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
