this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
