I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
