living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
