I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
