My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
