SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
