We won't sleep together?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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