she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
