so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
