There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
