South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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