The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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