i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
