aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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