I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
