JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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