how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
