She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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