Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
