Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
