based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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