The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
