I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
