What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
