THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
