I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
