this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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