"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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