About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
