it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
