if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
