Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
