I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
