Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
