I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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