You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
