Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
