I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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