Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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