you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
