my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
